When something goes wrong, do you easily show your disappointment? When someone does wrong that affects you, do you easily react and show how you feel? Or do you often give room for consideration and just forget about how you feel? Photo by Icons8 Team on Unsplash.
Most people need to express their negative reactions to feel better. It kind of evens up the situation—you disappoint me, I embarrass you. So we’re quits, right?
But a trait of good and mature personality is servitude. Meaning, you think of others’ benefit first before you think of yours. Often, this means you try not to attract attention when you feel bad or when disappointed. A lot of people try to make a scene whenever they’re angry.
We ordinarily feel frustrated, sad, disappointed or pissed off when some things or people do not meet our expectations, and it’s okay to feel thus. We’re humans. What’s not okay is when we make ourselves obvious all the time. Sometimes, we even intentionally put down the one who failed our expectations.
There’s a time to look obviously negative, but most times we should avoid doing so. It’s called being considerate, which is a good personality trait to develop. Instead of looking so disappointed when someone fails us, or instead of looking so sad when something goes wrong, we opt to ignore ourselves and put up a positive front. It’s not pretension or being “fake.” It’s called being selfless.
Why? Because we’re concerned about others more than we’re concerned about our feelings. It’s a kind of service. We serve others this way. We care more about how they feel. We hate putting people in uncomfortable situations just because they failed us.
But we need to correct wrongs and sometimes show some anger, too (konti lang) just to emphasize certain points. But not too much. Then we easily cool down and assume a forgiving attitude. And when we need to correct someone, we do it in private, not in front of everybody.
Well, we need to take care of ourselves, too. We do this later when we’re alone and no one sees us. Then we can be ourselves and pour out our woes on ourselves and comfort ourselves. We should develop the ability to heal ourselves.
What I always do is pour out myself and my negative feelings on GOD during my quiet times, in the privacy and comforts of my solitude. Because I know only God can help me. That’s the mindset of a servant.
Even Jesus did not come to be served but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many.
Food traditionally deemed “healthy” may be hurting your self esteem—especially when a lot of people think “healthy” is anything that tastes bland or ruins the appetite. If you’re a health buff, go on eating healthy as I’m doing. But make it balanced. And by “balanced” I mean eat delicious foods, too, not just those that suck. Photo by SwapnIl Dwivedi on Unsplash.
You know why skipping on delectable foods demolishes self confidence? Just imagine forgoing a serving of thick, creamy leche flan just because you’re afraid of getting fat. Imagine the frustration. Yeah of course, you manage to pretend it doesn’t affect you one bit (and you brag about it to your friends), but deep in the subconscious it does—and by the way, it’s where most of the damage happens. When you feel deprived, it’s something else.
But if you have really mastered disciplining yourself about leche flans and other desserts, then by all means, skip them. It will do wonders to your confidence to be able to kick the craving off while others cannot. But what I’m talking about here are the pretenders—they pretend they can skip their favorite desserts but deep inside they hurt a lot. The pretention demolishes their self confidence without knowing it.
Anything unreal (and you hide in it) destroys self confidence. Remember that. Honesty is always the best policy.
You should know what yummy foods do to your moods. If you forfeit yourself of delicious foods and limit yourself to “guilt-free” foods that taste like sand (yup, when I was a kid I tasted what sand was like), you’re depriving yourself of so much self-fulfilling pleasure, setting your self confidence up for dire setbacks.
The thing is to eat balanced—eat right proportions of everything—healthy and unhealthy, delicious and bland. Don’t skip on delicious foods (and neither should you on dull foods). A lot of delicious foods give you neurochemicals (also called neuromodulators or neurotransmitters) which promote feelings of well-being, happiness and self esteem, say experts. Natural brain chemicals serotonin and dopamine are feel-good or “happy” chemicals that are stimulated when we eat our favorite delicious foods and drinks.
Like plump bananas, gelatin, ube jalaya, leche flan and halo-halo. I love these desserts. Each time I eat them I feel elated, like everything good is happening to me as I eat them. And I’m in good spirits to converse with people and discuss things with them with all gusto. It’s like I’m on top of the world and able to tackle any challenge.
Experts say, this is serotonin and dopamine in full action in my mind, overwhelming my negative emotions. When you’re depressed or frustrated, try some extra creamy vanilla ice cream or DQ’s Royal Strawberry Supreme. It works for me. Or Robina roasted chicken and pancit. Just enough to boost your morale.
Or, being a health buff, I enjoy a tall, cold glass of my favorite apple cider vinegar with raw honey. Or pure and fresh, ice cold dalandan juice. I also love banana shakes with some drips of coconut milk. You should try it. Once in a while I relax with my cold wheatgrass with honey drink. These things perk up me up and helps my self confidence, especially when I do videos.
Or eating fresh mangosteen. Nothing compares with that, not even your best version of crispy pata. Try offering me crispy pata or mangosteen and I’d always go for mangosteen—after I finish the crispy pata.
But there are folks who enjoy bland foods like we enjoy our favorite “unhealthy” desserts. To them raw carrots are how Burger King tastes to us. It’s okay if you’re like that. Be my guest. If it builds your confidence then good for you. I love raw carrots and they’re healthy, but eating nothing but raw carrots for a meal is not my idea of enjoyment. I might have a panic attack.
Enjoy life. Try things. But don’t overdo. Keep a balance. As a rule I try a spoon or two of unhealthy but delicious foods now and then (don’t ask me how big my spoon is).
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First off, I encourage you to finish your college course. If you have the means and opportunity, don’t waste your chances. Finish your studies and get a diploma. There’s always an advantage with this. Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash.
However, not all of us have the means to go to or finish college. Like me, I dropped out of college due to financial and health reasons. I tried hard not to by being a working student, to no avail. So I just continued with my employment to help out with the family budget. Later, I went freelancing.
But the Lord blessed me with my employment. Even with no school credentials, I ended up with managerial jobs. The only time I didn’t was when I worked while a student as a draftsman/artist. But as a college dropout I always landed on managerial positions.
Like being PR supervisor, sales account manager, brand officer, marketing manager, product development manager, and later marketing director. Well, I was also news feature writer in a Manila based international news agency, but my work then entailed managerial tasks, though I wasn’t a manager. I was also once an agricultural technician. Imagine?
I also tried my hands at construction supervision, interior design and business on the side. I was also full-time church pastor once, martial arts instructor and then web content writer. Then I finally settled with blogging for a living.
See? The point here is, having no college degree isn’t any excuse for not getting what you want in life. You know why I tried different jobs? Because I wanted to get what I wanted in life. Well, after so many job adventures I finally saw what I really wanted–coaching or mentoring people on life through blogging.
Your question probably is, how did I do it? How did I land on managerial positions despite being a college dropout? Connections? Nope. My only connection was my relationship with God. So what did I do?
I read books–LOTS OF THEM.
As a teenager I HATED books. But sometime in college I started loving them. Well, at first I forced myself to like them but later I fell in love with them. I read every book I could get my hands on–world politics and economics, business, philosophy, psychology, history, Reader’s Digest (lots of it, especially focusing on Word Power), a bit of religion, wellness and health, medicine, and of course, the bible.
I invested a big sum of my money on books.
Yup, knowledge is power. Reading is powerful with personality development and honing your potentials. I strongly recommend it. Read, read, read! Watch how writers use words and grammar and how they construct sentences. Listen to what they say and compare authors. Critique them. Make your mind busy. And most of all, enjoy them!
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Often, people give shyness a bad name. They’d tell you to wear it off and be more self-confident or assertive. Sometimes it’s good to do this but not always. A lot of times you need to retain a healthy degree of shyness. [Photo by Abigail Keenan on Unsplash].
Shyness keeps you from feeding your ego or self pride and helps you avoid going beyond what you need. A healthy amount of diffidence prevents you from taking too much of anything and spares you from greediness. You need shyness if you don’t want to be selfish.
But watch out that your shyness doesn’t end you up in awkwardness, anxious reactions and excessive self-consciousness. To get a balance, make sure you mix shyness with restraint, not insecurity. Restraint is self control that prevents you from going overboard with everything.
So, always keep a good reserve of shyness in every situation. It saves you from:
It’s easy to detect in other persons but it’s not when it comes to you. Most difficult people do not know it. They think they’re just helping people do things right, not realizing they’ve become pains in the neck. So don’t fall for it. The moment you see you’re turning difficult, stop it.
Here are the top 5 signs:
You think everybody’s wrong. When you start seeing wrong in everything people do and think you have to correct them, you’re turning. It’s okay to notice wrong things people do. The danger zone is when you think you have to correct them all. Majority of wrong things can be ignored. I mean, the world’s not going to end because of them. Simply keep things to yourself—or maybe blog about them.
You easily get pissed off. And especially by tiny, little, minuscule things like unkempt hair, the way people dress, people airing their opinions that oppose yours—or the other way around—forcing your opinions on others. A lot of things that piss you off are not worthy of attention. Just forget about them and be more tolerant.
You become an insufferable perfectionist. You have high standards you impose on others—but sometimes you do not apply them to yourself. If you believe in high standards, by all means impose them on yourself. Not on others. Respect other people’s standards for themselves. Except, of course, if you’re the boss in the office.
You always compare people to yourself. This is especially so with achievements. Or the way things were when you were young. Or the difficulties you had to go through. It’s okay to share about your experience but never to compare yourself with others–to show that you are better.
Control. This is last but not least and often goes with being perfectionist. Once you start trying to control people and situations, you fall for the trap. You become a difficult person and make hell out of people’s lives. You think you know what’s good for people and make them do it. Or, you think that because people don’t see things as you do, they’re wrong and you try to “help” by telling them what they should do.
Avoid these top 5 symptoms and you prevent yourself from being a pain in the ass. for other people.
However, if you’re a victim of difficult people, don’t despair. Here’s good news. This e-book gives you tips on how to be liked by people (even difficult ones) without even trying to. This is based on real-life experiences. Click below for a review.
Don’t aim to be liked. Then people start liking you. Then you may find yourself hiding from people because they like you too much. This is a powerful personaligy principle that worked for me. Not that I tried to figure out how to be liked. But it simply happened.
As early as high school, I learned to be independent and feel perfectly okay being alone—although I was sociable. I transferred to different schools from grade school to high school and survived the individualism in college almost all by myself. You can just imagine the pressure in integrating yourself into a new environment and culture each transfer.
But I managed. That early, I learned the principle of not aiming to be liked. Instead, just be yourself. However, being “yourself” doesn’t mean you remain as you are. You have to grow up mentality and emotionally. Mature. Your personality should develop. Then people start liking you.
One way of developing is facing your problems squarely. Deal with difficulties yourself. Don’t look for escapes, for other people to solve problems for you, or blame others for your hardships. You may seek some help now and then—that’s healthy, too—but don’t depend on helps too much. You have to fight your way out to be a survivor.
Then you develop your character. And with stronger character your personality becomes attractive. People begin to depend on you and like you, without any effort on your part. Sometimes, even haters and bashers like you though you disappoint them.
Often, the least liked people are those who pursue being liked. They do everything to get people’s attention or prove themselves worthy (or the greatest). People follow them but they do so only for the benefit they get, not because they really like them. Like dirty politicians. You see how they have many followers because of the favors they dole out to their fans.
Jesus never pursued after people. Instead, they pursued after him and liked him. Even his haters followed him. The amazing thing is, he never aimed at getting attention. He just worked quietly to do his Father’s will, mostly in remote or off the beaten track places. But people soon ran after him.
He was crucified—went through difficulties alone (he even felt forsaken by God), but after overcoming everything he was glorified and has been “liked” by people worldwide, without any effort.
Just be your own mature self. Don’t bother with popularity or people’s acceptance. Then you’d see the key to being liked even without even trying.
A lot of things are going online, including office work. Especially when Covid cases have hit 50K plus cases as of this writing. It’s going to be a trend now. Everything will go online eventually. If your company has assigned you to work-from-home (like how my nephew’s call center company assigned him) then you’re blessed.
The new norm now is how to project yourself online, especially if you’re selling or representing your company to clients. This is a different ballgame altogether. And I’m not just talking of appearing in videos. A lot of folks go live-streaming with sales and marketing and frankly, most are obviously trying hard, to no avail.
Traditionally, it’s about grooming, manners, diction and how smart you do your presentations. Your face-to-face dealings with the client. It’s about being on time and acting politely but smartly. It’s about treating them like royalty.
But how about online?
Did you know that’s it’s easier to project yourself on videos than on email and chats? Videos are pretty much like traditional work, except that editing is possible–unless you’re on live streaming, which needs different (and more complicated) skills. Recorded video is like TV soap opera where you can re-do scenes until you perfect them. But live-streaming is like live stage performance.
But what’s harder is email. Well, it’s easier to send messages to clients via email, but remember how you need to project yourself on your emails. You need to get the client’s confidence in you. How do you do that? it’s not just using high sounding words or terms which often pisses off clients than impressing them.
And how about being interviewed online when applying for a job?
These things need new special skills. A lot of traditional principles still apply but definitely, new ones have popped up in this new normal. So keep watching for my blog posts for tips on this.
Have you grabbed the FREE e-book yet on Re-Believing in Yourself? If you haven’t, you’ve been missing a lot. Get your copy by clicking the button below!
Relaxation is important for self-improvement and discovering potentials. Without enough relaxation, you’re just destroying yourself no matter what good thing you’re doing. So, get less busy and be really productive.
In college, there were times when my childhood friend, Arturo (or Tor as I fondly called him) would invite me to their rest house at the National Power Corp. (NPC) compound in Bagac, Bataan. Especially on summer. Some of our Project 8 neighbors in Quezon City would also be invited from time to time, and in fact we were all there one summer—all college students—-enjoying the facilities of the NPC compound, which I recently found is now called NPC Resort Village.
It was originally for NPC executives, both Filipinos and Americans, and was designed like bungalows in the US. Everything was clean and orderly, perfect for relaxation, and what I marveled at most was the well maintained lawns all around. There were no fences so you’d appreciate the undulating green lawns better. Staying in their bungalow was fun enough, which had centralized air-conditioning and modern appliances, plus comfy rooms and beds. But the NPC clubhouse was what really gave us excitement with its air-conditioned sports facilities.
However, what I really enjoyed was when only the two of us—Tor and I—went there one time and enjoyed the whole place to ourselves. And the really exciting thing was not the clubhouse and the bungalows but the long hike back from the beach in Bagac. We headed for Bagac beach in the morning via a pickup and had simple snacks and lunch there. Tor and I and his young cousin had some snorkeling fun. At chest-deep the underwater sights (fish and corals) were fascinating.
The picture above is of Bagac beach I saw on Google. Smartphones with cams were not yet available at the time when we were there—they were still part of wishful thinking and day dreaming of what gadgets we could have in the future—so we didn’t get a chance to take pictures or videos then. But the sights all around were breath-taking, to say the least, where lush mountain forests and the unspoiled beach met.
Then early afternoon, we decided to call it a day and hiked back home to NPC. The pickup had left earlier with Tor’s other cousins so we found ourselves alone at the beach. Because we were all new in the territory, we decided not to hang around too long. So we took the deserted highway walking leisurely.
We had lots of laughs along the way from the jokes I mostly pulled off. I love telling jokes for relaxation. Both sides of the highway were walled by nearby forested hills and mountains—so near they literally touched the highway—broken sometimes with views of vast rice fields. But I saw some ominous dark clouds gathering in the distance and it was unimaginable if a fierce thunderstorm should meet us in that deserted highway. So I told them to hurry up. But we still managed to pull jokes out of that.
Then it happened.
We heard a bird sing enchantingly, the mesmerizing sound echoing on the hills. So mysteriously captivating was it that we stopped to listen and find out where it was coming from. Then, from atop tall trees, a martinez bird came climbing down, as if to be nearer us, hopping from branch to branch and singing along as it did. I had to watch everything intently—it was my first time to be treated by nature with something so fascinating, like something from a dream. I felt that anytime, fairies might suddenly appear to us.
After what seemed like eternity, Tor’s cousin reminded me of the long journey still ahead of us. “Darkness might catch up on us here, all alone in this highway,” he said. We’d been walking there for hours and yet not a vehicle or human was in sight. Yup, it would be scary to be there at sundown. So we continued. I kept looking back at the martinez bird, now joined by others hopping up and down the branches, as if playing tug.
When you have more than enough money, it helps your self-improvement so much. You also discover a lot of your potentials and get to develop them further. And if you handle your success and riches well, they help lead to your personality development and wellness. Money is, indeed, a blessing.
Well, there are those who make big money but are gobbled up by the same. Instead of using money positively, money controls them. They’re trapped in the money value system where they weigh value based on money alone. If you don’t have or make big money, you’re valueless.
Character is Tops
I appreciate some online internet marketers I know who stay humble and nice despite their esteemed stature or reputation in the industry. I mean, they make big money out of their selling careers and yet keep unassertive. They speak authoritatively yet remain unassuming. I believe that’s what keeps them successful and happy. Humility is a vital element in genuine success and happiness.
But there’s one thing more.
Here’s Another Secret
These giants in internet marketing all have one thing in common—the list. I have followed them closely, getting their emails regularly and watching their videos and webinars. I follow them on Facebook. I observe their styles and watch their every word. And they always refer to that thing that makes them a lot of money continually (or residually)—the list.
No recruiting people or inviting them to join you. No hard-selling. It’s just your online business selling your products for you world without end.
They all say without this list, it’s impossible to make it big online on a consistent basis. Imagine making huge money profits on a regular basis even if they just relax most times, enjoying cruises and out-of-town or out-of country vacations with their families for long periods. Their online businesses are on auto-pilot, which means the businesses just go on selling for them even if they have stopped working them out.
They encourage people to try this Net-based livelihood to get the money their hard work deserves. Jobs can only give you so much, and with a shallow limit. If you’re counting on your retirement pension, you’ll have to reach retirement age, and by that time, you may only be using your money for maintenance medicine and checkups. Enjoy big income now, not when you’re old.
It’s possible with this list.
Email List
The experts all say money online is in the list. And it’s a list of email addresses. Hundreds of them. How do you get hundreds or thousands of emails? It’s through a system we can all do, if we try to learn them. And you can start the business from P500. Incredible, isn’t it? This e-book tells it all.
I’ve started to do it and I’ve been making a good sum so far. Not that much yet, but a nice sum, so nice that it makes me excited. And it’s a good start. It’s amazing how you can make money online and be your own boss. And you can start now while you’re doing (and probably struggling in) your job. This 100-page plus PDF e-book lays down the basics in simplified presentation, discussing the 7 really profitable online businesses with almost ZERO capital. It shows how all these businesses can be “your one business,” each one making you money.
Do you make things happen in your life—orchestrating it by intent—or do you just wait for things to happen—it’s all chance—because you believe that what’s meant to be will be, whether you like it or not. Now, don’t be too hasty in dismissing one in favor of the other. Weigh both things carefully.
Because both are true in life. And understanding this helps improve your life outlook, maturity and, well, discover some potentials that lie hidden in the nooks and crannies of your inner self.
They trend seasonally. One season you see posts on Facebook about intent, doing what you can to improve your lot in life. But after a season, when people get tired of that (tired of their ineffective efforts), they look for other maxims in life that explain their situations. And then out comes FB posts on thought-provoking mysteries of life prompted by chance or fortune, on meant-to-be-will-be life perspectives. And then people treat it as if it’s something new. They like the sound of it and then it trends.
But actually, these two life perspectives move in a round-robin kind of series that alternates in trend, coming and going and coming again. That’s what Ecclesiastes says. Nothing is really new under the sun. And they are both necessary in this life, like what Yin and Yang in Chinese philosophy suggests—there’s got to be an equilibrium of all opposite and extreme forces. Something like that.
Remember what Jesus said about sin or things that cause stumbling—that they must come? There will be negative things in life and our positive responses will balance things. The cycle goes on, a trend now and then something that opposes the trend later. The dry and wet seasons. The hot and cold. So with intent and chance. You cannot plan everything in your favor or to your advantage. Only God does that. You have to leave room for adjustments. And the divine purpose here is so we’d trust, relax and let go.
But many people are biased to one extreme. They laugh at any other idea, especially about balancing self-efforts and destiny. Those who believe only in self-efforts are like gods who want to control everything and imagine that they decide what happens, not just in their lives, but in other lives. In fact, in the world. In contrast, those who wait for things to just happen to them are like ancient monks that retreat to the wilderness or high mountains and just wait for anything to come. They can’t see how both extremes need to be present, and in balance, in their lives.
The idea is that you learn, mature and toughen with them. The idea is not to eliminate them.
In fact, you can’t have anything happen to you (or in this world) without God. It’s all up to him. That’s truth. And yet, faith without works is dead. You can’t have just one and then ignore the other. Both should work in your life—like yin and yang. There’s a time for making things happen and a time when you just wait for things to happen. Without understanding how both work, all you get in life is distress. And that’s not good for your wellness and maturity.
But get this straight—in the end, it’s actually all about trusting chance, what’s meant to be will be. What God has decided and declared will happen, regardless of whether we act on it or not. God’s plan will proceed with or without you. For instance, even if we were all atheists, Christ will still return and be King. Even if we don’t believe it, there will still be Judgment and Hell. What happens in this world and beyond DOES NOT depend on us. It depends on what God has decided should be. As Christ said, if the people remain silent, the rocks will shout.
The bible once called what God has decided and bring to pass as “chance.”
The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. [Ecclesiastes 9]
Now, our efforts should all be geared to that—to what God has decided. This is where self-effort comes in and it is how self effort can be of any use. We make things happen according to what God has decided. And then we wait. We cannot decide the final results, only God can. All we can do is make things happen to a certain extent, in the context or limits of what he has decreed should happen. If you endeavor to also decide the final results, that’s when you get stressed out and frustrated and wrecked. In fact, you destroy yourself and those around you. This is the pitfall most people end up in at the end of their lives. They try to be a god and realize they are not.
It’s something like this:
No one knows when their hour will come: As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in a snare, so people are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them. [Ecclesiastes 9]
Making things happen too much makes you out to be a Martha—worried and upset about so many things. Merely waiting for chance or fortune all the time, on the other hand, DOES NOT make you out to be a Mary. Mary didn’t just wait passively—she sat at Jesus’ feet and listened. That’s the most important thing in life. It’s the most productive. It’s when great things really happen. Thus, when she cried before Jesus about Lazarus’ death, Jesus wept and Lazarus was brought back to life. See? Mary made things happen by waiting on the Lord. That’s what life, wellness and potential are really all about.
If you are too work-oriented and were in Bethany, you’d probably drag Lazarus’ body out yourself and start CPR to revive him back to life.
However, in a sense, yes, we are like “gods.” Jesus himself said it.
“Is it not written in your Law, ‘I have said you are “gods”’? If he called them ‘gods,’ to whom the word of God came—and Scripture cannot be broken— [John 10.34-35]
But only so if we depend entirely on God, not ourselves. Hence, it says that He is the GOD of gods [Deuteronomy 10.17]. We can make things happen if we wait on the Lord, for they that wait on Him shall renew their strength. They shall soar high with wings like eagles.
What I do is this. When I do something, I give it my best shot. I pray for it. I try to fix or edit them to make them look their best. But then, I don’t mind how they finally end up. I trust God that he works out everything for good to those who love him. I don’t manipulate to get the results I want. I don’t try to control anything. And most important of all, I don’t let results disappoint or frustrate me. If it ends up “wrong” despite my efforts, I wait on God to fix it. I’m confident in God.
And anyway, who judges whether a thing is really “wrong” or “right”? It’s not us. It’s God. Often, what seems right to the majority is really wrong in God’s eyes.
In fact, most times, God tells me to simply wait and do nothing. No effort. After deliberations with him (because often, I can’t comprehend it when God tells me to do nothing but sit at his feet and wait and trust), I finally surrender and just relax and rest, taking things easy, even telling jokes, and that’s when people misunderstand me, thinking I’m too carefree and insouciant. It used to bother me before, but I don’t care anymore. So what if people misunderstand me?
I want to end with this. They say it’s not your fault if you were born poor. But if you die still poor, then it’s already your fault. You remember Lazarus and the rich man? He died still poor, aside from being poor all his life. Was it his fault? Where did he end up? The rich man, on the other hand, was rich all his life and died rich. Yet, he ended up where? You say it’s only a parable? Well, all of Jesus’ parables are parables of truth.
Here’s the thing—know what God has decided and pour your efforts on that. Whatever the result, be quietly content with God. That’s true potential.
personaligy 